Thursday, June 9, 2011

Two Weddings and a middle-age guy

I had never thought it would come to this.

Seriously, this is a thing I had never planned for; not when I was young, not as an adult.

But I guess this is part and parcel of life. Things do happened, you just try to adapt and make the best out of each situation. But things can change also abruptly, and all you can do is go with the flow.

Never in my wildest dream that I had thought I would come to this. If it was, it would have happened a long time ago. Then it would be worth it. I would have to do it more than five times, so the experience would be important.

I have no daughters, and hence I know that there was no incentive for me to do this at all, despite the fact that I could have easily learnt about it from Youtube.

So when the Tok Kadhi at Kajang Mosque asked me to solemnize the marriage, I politely declined. I know I was the wali, but I was not prepared to do things other signing the papers to give her away. The Tok Kadhi seems reasonably understanding of my reluctance, and he didn't seems to be pushy.

And I thought that that was the end of it.

So when the time comes for the actual ceremony - after the long lectures, suddenly he turns to me and asked (again) me to do it. He put me in a spot there and then.

What do you do if you are in my shoes? Make a fuss and politely declined for the second time?

Or are you like me, an introvert who seldom wants to rock the boat?

Just go with the flow, and make it happen.

I guess I could have said no, and I am pretty sure he would do the solemnization without batting his eyelids. But then again, how difficult can it be.

It is after all one liner. I have seen it a hundred times over in Malay drama, and I presume I had attended numerous wedding to know exactly how it is done.

Unfortunately I have no daughter/s to give away the next time around, and
she was the last of my sis, so this experience will come to nothing
to be honest. But what the heck, you only live once, anyway.
(That's yours truly's hand in the familiar white batik.)
So that day I became the Tok Kadhi! Not many men, even dads, can lay claim to having done the deeds for their walis.

I don't remember now if I had to do it twice or whether single solemnization was enough that day, but in any case, I know that the fault was not mine (if it had to be done more than once).

Second Wedding

So when my uncle Capt Asgar invited me to join them for his son's wedding in JB on March 12, I didn't bat an eye lid. After all in February I had became the Tok Kadhi, and I presume by assuming that role, I would know everything that needs to be known about wedding - Malay wedding especially.

But at the last minute, he called me to his side.

"Aman, nanti they all minta wakil cakap, Aman cakapkan sebagai wakil rombongan," he said.

Alamak, I was thinking in my mind, what choice do I have, five minute before the nikah ceremony was supposed to begin. This one, I don't believe there is one in Youtube. I can't disappoint him by turning down his request, so after I ask the name of the bride's parent, I prepare in my mind the 2 minute speech.

Fortunately, the surau was such a beautiful and cozy surau. The architecture is traditional Malay, even though it is not a wooden surau. I fell in love with it the moment I entered it.

So my mukaddimah is made easier. All I need to do is praise their wonderful and cozy surau - just to break the ice.

Some of the intricate carving in this cozy surau.
I can present papers at conferences; heck I have even chaired a couple during my lifetime. But typically they are all came with a notice and I would know it ample of time ahead. But still butterflies in my tummy would be there typically.

But at these two weddings, no chance that that would happen.

I am richer for the experience, nevertheless.



  2. Thanks. While I do enjoy and appreciate comment, I dont understand why one would not sign their own name at the end of the message, especially since the message would be considered seditious under the Sedition Act? Hahah