Sunday, May 11, 2014

That's not the way to treat a mother

Well, Mak is no longer around for me to wish her a happy mother's day.

I am not doing anything special, to be honest. I will normally read her the surah Yaa Sin after my Fajr prayer (on a weekday at the office), so I guess I'll read her the quran on a Sunday instead.

As importantly, I would like to reflect on a situation of  how not to treat your mother.

A mother nowadays is fast becoming a maid to the grandchildren, at the behest of their own children. It is sad, but I guess that's the price one had to pay for loving your children too much. I am against a mother having to take care of their grandchildren, by choice or otherwise.

It is not their job. They had spent their lifetime bringing us up and it is entirely our responsibility to bring up ours. We want to have some fun - and procreate, and then let the burden of caring for the children to our mother?

I came to know of an incident involving a mother, who had just returned from performing her Haj and was immediately asked - upon landing, mind you - to baby-sit for her grandchildren. If I were her, I probably need a month to recuperate, and prefer not be obligated to take care of anybody. Purely, unadulterated rest!

I found it distressing, and I was furious, to be honest. It is beyond comprehension actually. Apparently her daughter (and the husband) had planned it all along, and on the very same day she landed at KLIA, the husband had driven his own mother back to her hometown. His mother had been taking care of their children while his mother in law was performing the haj, and now that the mother-in-law cum 'maid' was returning home (to take care of the children), he can free up his own mother from such responsibility.

I know it is hard to believe, but it did happen the way I described it. It sounds too fictional, even to someone who knew the incident first hand. How about that for maximising the exploits of two mothers to take care of your own children and making the transfer of responsibility from his mother to his mother-in-law so efficient? Wow, am I supposed to be in awe? The two parents had fun making their children, and both want to work to earn extra money money to live a fast life; my say to them is to go and hire a maid.

(I am also against having maid aka home slave, but that's another topic.)

Sometimes I am not sure what we, as the children, are thinking when we treated our mother in that manner. Selfish would be one adjective to describe us, I guess. Shrewd? May be.

I told Arif last week as I was driving him back from LCCT after he had stayed in Kota Kinabalu as his base for the week, that when the time comes, he needs to care for his own children, and not burden his mother. I know many would be willing, and I am sure she would be willing, but there is a difference between doing something willingly, or being 'forced' literally or by circumstances.

I think, as a mother, one need to be able to differentiate our obligations as a grandparent. Yes, we all love our grandchildren - they are all adorable, but there's a limit. WE need to take care of our own health, and religion. As a child ourselves on the other hand, please, we should know better than asking for our mother's assistance. Ask her to doa for you and your children, but do not ask her to look after your children for you. That's why I had given Mak my strongest support for her stance not to care for any of her grandchildren when she was alive. I mean, she cared and loved deeply all her grandchildren, and would visit them when time permits, but she kept her distance when it comes to taking care of them.

Mine included.

She had done more than her own share of obligations by giving birth to 12 children and raising up 13. I need multiple lives to even come close to that. She was tired, I can understand that.

Moga Allah merahmati keatas ruh Mak dan dimasukkan kedalam golongan orang-orang yang beramal solleh. Amin.

Happy Mother's day.


To my friends who have grandchildren, or who aspires to have a few, hear this. It is wonderful that you love them dearly. No one can fault you, not even this blogger. Tapi kasih itu biar lah berpada. Your children have all grown up. Heck, they are even married, and adult enough to make babies. Many are doctors and engineers, teachers in their own right. Surely they can think and know how to care for their children.

Leave them - let them grow up. We can never be there for them all the time, not throughout their lives. We will go someday. They have to take care of their own families.  We can't be chipping in and assist them physically all the time. WE need to care for ourselves and work for our hereafter.

At times I think some grandparents are 'lebih sudu dari kuah'. Hahaha excuse me for using this Malay proverb. Don't shoot the messenger yah! I hope when my time comes, I would know how to behave myself. ;)

No comments:

Post a Comment