Doa untuk bapak

I did not plan to write a tribute for father's day actually.

After all, bapak died 24 years ago, and no matter what I write in my blog, nothing would change with or without a tribute to him. Words can be cheap, I must admit, and I would have to think hard when was the last time I recite the surah Yaasin for his soul!

I am guilty; oh so guilty.

Until this morning while I was driving to meet Peter at Le Meridien with Klasik Nasional hot on airing songs as a tribute to all the dads in Malaysia. And then the song Doa untuk Ayah by Rina Rahman was filling the airwaves in my car.

Suddenly I was overwhelmed by emotion; the song is a very sad song. It is a fitting tribute to him on this day meant for us to remember his role in shaping our lives. I thought then I have to write a word or two. Yes, it has been a long time since I last saw him alive and talked to him. There was no goodbye. All of the sudden, he was gone.

I have difficulty trying to dig more stories I can think of him. After all, I didn't spent my high school time at home and not my university years anyway; so whatever time left that I had spent with him at home is fast fading away. May be as the years go by I would be able to write a story or two about him.

My biggest regret is the fact that I have lost all the letters he wrote to me while I was in Australia. I had it with me up to the year prior to my assignment to Houston and then it disappeared. Dad would write to me without fail monthly.

And I have lost them all.

Well, on this day, I would like to remember him. Of a big guy with a songkok on his head without fail. Of his deeds and advice and how he led his life.

I am sorry, bapak, for I am not the pious son that you deserved. I do wish I am, but deep in me I know I am not and that you would be disappointed in me if you are still alive today.

"Ya Allah, cucuri lah rahmatMu keatas ruhnya, dan masukkan dia kedalam golongan orang-orang yang engkau redhai. Rahmatilah dia sebagaimana dia telah menjaga kami semua semasa kami kecil dulu."

Alfatihah.

EPILOGUE

I can't seems to find the lyric. But I am posting them here and will update once I have the full lyric of the song by Rina Rahman

Walau telah lama

kau hilang dimata

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Didikan dan kemanjaan

kau curahkan pada ku

bagai sinar alam maya

menyuluh jalan hidupku

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tiap solat ku iringkan doa restu