Sunday, June 15, 2008

Doa untuk bapak

I did not plan to write a tribute for father's day actually.

After all, bapak died 24 years ago, and no matter what I write in my blog, nothing would change with or without a tribute to him. Words can be cheap, I must admit, and I would have to think hard when was the last time I recite the surah Yaasin for his soul!
I am guilty; oh so guilty.

Until this morning while I was driving to meet Peter at Le Meridien with Klasik Nasional hot on airing songs as a tribute to all the dads in Malaysia. And then the song Doa untuk Ayah by Rina Rahman was filling the airwaves in my car.

Suddenly I was overwhelmed by emotion; the song is a very sad song. It is a fitting tribute to him on this day meant for us to remember his role in shaping our lives. I thought then I have to write a word or two. Yes, it has been a long time since I last saw him alive and talked to him. There was no goodbye. All of the sudden, he was gone.

I have difficulty trying to dig more stories I can think of him. After all, I didn't spent my high school time at home and not my university years anyway; so whatever time left that I had spent with him at home is fast fading away. May be as the years go by I would be able to write a story or two about him.

My biggest regret is the fact that I have lost all the letters he wrote to me while I was in Australia. I had it with me up to the year prior to my assignment to Houston and then it disappeared. Dad would write to me without fail monthly.

And I have lost them all.

Well, on this day, I would like to remember him. Of a big guy with a songkok on his head without fail. Of his deeds and advice and how he led his life.

I am sorry, bapak, for I am not the pious son that you deserved. I do wish I am, but deep in me I know I am not and that you would be disappointed in me if you are still alive today.

"Ya Allah, cucuri lah rahmatMu keatas ruhnya, dan masukkan dia kedalam golongan orang-orang yang engkau redhai. Rahmatilah dia sebagaimana dia telah menjaga kami semua semasa kami kecil dulu."



I can't seems
to find the lyric. But I am posting them here and will update once I have the full lyric of the song by Rina Rahman
Walau telah lama
kau hilang dimata
Didikan dan kemanjaan
kau curahkan pada ku
bagai sinar alam maya
menyuluh jalan hidupku
tiap solat ku iringkan doa restu


  1. Thanks for the memories and ..doa

  2. "there was no goodbye. all of the sudden, he was gone."


    i was a child then, didnt know much. still, the scar is still there...